Greetings, earthlings! It’s been quite a while since I filled you in with any news about my not-so-exciting life. I wish I can put into words what it’s been like for me these past few weeks but I can’t. Truth is, I find it really ironic how life drags you into a maze-like journey, throws in a few punches along the way, threatens to wipe out your sanity but picks you right back up just when you’re about to give up. It’s like paying a debt we never owed and hearing a joke nobody thought was funny. But that’s life. We move forward, one step after another, in the hope that we’ll be given a bit of relief in the end.
I feel so old lately. Maybe I really am. It must be because I feel EXTRA emotional these days or probably just over-thinking catching up on me. I went to a wedding last week and although I felt genuinely happy for my friend, it was the most sentimental I’ve ever been in all the weddings I’ve attended. Everything was beautiful, plans were done meticulously and the attention to detail is really visible. I wish I can tell you exactly how it was but I can only describe the event and put it into words as truthfully as I can. So, those details included fresh, pink flowers, my really expensive bridesmaid gown and make-up, superb dining experience, amazing fireworks etc, etc.
With all these grandeur, the thing that stuck with me the most was how, in that short period of time, my friend reminded me again how amazing LOVE is and how friendship lasts even the passing of time. It was just like before, always me and Blithe, shoe-swapping buddies, apartment visits, study partners and how she (the singer) taught me how to read musical notes. It also took me back to the time I first met her husband, Alvaro. They are high school sweethearts. You wish you had that relationship because theirs was the lasting kind, really admirable when everyone else was busy collecting affairs. She told me how, when she was still attending law school, they almost broke up for good because of an “alleged” third party and how they got through it all.
She told me of a love Alvaro shared not only to her but to her family. I can’t even imagine it. Really. But it made me realize that although we don’t always get what we deserve in life, a genuine, loving, compassionate heart will always find a way to win in the end. Just like good karma. I was happy because I saw goodness in everyone. They all radiated kindness and humility even with the obvious prominence of both families, even when almost everyone looked really good.
It is a season of tears. I wonder why. I was in the bus for the 4 hour drive to their town and I instinctively bought the daily newspaper. I knew of Yolanda days before but when something as big as that happens, it’s impossible to shrug it off overnight. Needless to say, it was on the headline and as soon as I started reading, the crying never stopped. It was truly, indescribably heartbreaking. I was on my way to a joyous event but there I was, really cold and alone. I knew it was the beginning of a sadness that I’d be carrying on for a few more days. It was only timely that the pastor’s sermon that Sunday was about God’s sovereignty over man and that it’s essential that we know Him as a God who gives and takes away. I felt confusion and several questions flooded my mind as to why this is happening to seemingly good and innocent people. But of course, no matter how I rationalize things, I knew that my mind is only limited to understand what a mortal is due to understand. I can only pray that those people will have the strength and hope needed to overcome this calamity, and most important of all, the knowledge that God will never allow anything to happen without His consent.
Yes, I still want to complain sometimes. I give a big sigh if work feels like a drag or if things aren’t going my way. I also know for a fact that discontent is not the result of comparison or who screwed up more but a direct reaction towards your own share of difficulties or negativity. Still, I try really hard and I make sure that I do a mental shake every now and then to realize how blessed I am. God is a gracious God and He allows us to do as many do-overs as necessary if it means reaching the goal and giving glory to His name.
To sum it up, life was bittersweet for me these past weeks and I know why. It’s really not about understanding but it’s about trust.